Comrades! Citizens! Iowegians!
The hour we have so long waited and prayed for has come. Our Glorious and Eternal Governor, The Moustache has accepted an appointment from Our Tangerine Regime and is set to depart our fields of opportunities after decades of engaging in the most noble of Grand American Traditions: enriching himself on the public teat, parlaying his riches into lucrative six figure jobs in the private sector before coming back to suckle on the public teat of our great state once more.
Our Glorious and Eternal Governor has finally weaned himself from the burden of decades of public service and is sailing to the east to bring the authority of Our Tangerine Regime to the Godless Heathen Sort of Kind of Communists of the People's Republic of China. Yes, Our Glorious and Eternal Governor, The Moustache shall spread the good news of high quality corn, bountiful soybeans and that sweet ambrosia of the internal combustion engine, ethanol to the people of China and they shall see his magnificence for what it is, truly, the greatest gift the heartland of America has to offer to the world.
Yea, verily, the streets of Iowa will run full with the tears and lamentations of it's citizens this day. Garments will be rent. Chests will be beaten, but fear not! As Our Glorious and Eternal Governor, The Moustache ends his tenure, the hour has come for his successor to take over. Yes, the Hour of His Chief Henchwoman has struck! All hail, Our New Glorious and Eternal Governor, the Head Woman In Charge...
Long Live Iowa!