It's A Papacy, So We Wait

It's just a game, but at the same time it's not. I think it would blow people's minds the number of moving parts involved in making sure a stadium is ready to go for 70,000 people to walk in, sit down, and watch a sporting event for three hours. But last Saturday, I worked the day job for nine hours, holding the baton (in my case, my trusty tactical spork) and dealing with the symphony of gameday chaos. It went better than week one, as it always did, but there was an extra fillup of crazy in the air because it was Iowa State and that's just how the world works.

But after my shift, I drove home, grabbed a burger, poured myself a generous measure of single malt whiskey, and wandered down to my firepit where the Missus was waiting for me. The kids eventually joined us, and Smores were made. We listened to music, looked at the stars and it was just perfect. The tension of the day bled out of me and I realized that it was just a game. I walked away from downtown and drove down the ramp-- because the parking lot I usually parked in was a hot mess when I came in. I ran into a couple of young people looking for the way out of the mall to the bars. I saw a group of people clustered around a car yelling at someone inside, 'Give me my keys, man!"

Ten minutes after I left the ramp, I was pulling into my driveway. Five minutes after that, I was in front of a fire in our firepit. Kinnick Stadium and the events of the day couldn't have felt further away than they did in that moment and it was perfect. 

Because, after all, it's just a game.

It might set me apart from a significant portion of the fanbase, but I like it when Iowa State is competent. I want this rivalry to mean something. I grew up in the midst of the fifteen-year streak of Iowa dominance in the rivalry and it was, quite frankly, boring. Does that mean I'm happy about last Saturday's loss? No. Do I raise an eyebrow when I see headlines about how the players are 'taking the loss hard'-- I don't want them to take the loss hard. I want them to take it personally. I want them to play in a blinding, blistering rage for the rest of the season that two trips to the goal line resulted in field goals when had they punched in just one, it would have been a completely different game. I want them to learn from this, get better, and improve throughout the season so that when Nebraska comes to town, we absolutely thump them- because losing to Iowa State and Nebraska in the same season would be just about intolerable.

But there's also a certain familiarity about it all. Iowa getting the ball back with three minutes left and being completely unable to put together a sustained drive? I feel like I'd need an extra set of hands and feet to count the number of times I've seen that before. It's almost ritual at this point-- you'd like to see one first down, maybe two, maybe a field goal as an extra cushion if you stall out, but no, Iowa's going to go three and out and give the ball right back.

I saw someone on TikTok compare being a Catholic to being in the Marines. Even if you're no longer going to a Catholic church, it never really leaves you. I take communion at our current Church and make the sign of the cross when I do. I find the dipping-the-bread thing still weirdly Protestant. I get twitchy when our three-year-old sneaks over to take some of the bread and dip it too, because, 'Hey, little man, that's the body of Christ, You can't just take a chunk of Jesus like that.' But it's all that Catholicism of my youth that makes it impossible for me to get upset at Iowa football these days. Undoubtedly, we're looking at what we're always looking at 9-3, 10-2, or 7-5 with all four of five losses being by a combined five points or something stupid like that. 

Granted, I'd prefer the 9-3, 10-2 option, but we all know that's the most likely outcome of our season. We know it every fall. We know there will be games where inexplicable decisions don't pay off. We'll beat someone we have no business beating. We'll fuck around and lose to someone we shouldn't (I'm hoping that was Iowa State.) That's Iowa football. It's been that way since 1999 and it'll be that way until Kirk hangs it up. 

The most interesting thing about this season was Kirk's one-game suspension last week. It marked the first time since 1978 that Iowa had been coached by someone other than Hayden Fry or Kirk Ferentz. Since 1978, Iowa State has had 7 coaches. (Nebraska 9, Minnesota 10, and Wisconsin 9.) Iowa has had two. 

Shockingly low turnover at the top job? Scenes so familiar they're practically ritualized? Knowing exactly what you're going to get when the season starts?

Honestly, Kirk can hang it up and retire whenever he wants. I think the bottom would have to seriously drop out before AD Beth Goetz broaches the subject and it would take multiple seasons of bottoming out I think before she pulls the plug herself. You have to think that Kirk saw how Hayden went out and probably wants to pick his moment as much as he can. He's 7 wins away from passing Woody Hayes. If he sees out of his contract (until 2029) he's got a shot at passing Amos Alonzo Stagg and putting himself alone on top of a mountain it's highly unlikely anyone will come close to ever again. Another Big Ten title? A playoff run? A natty? Or just deciding one day that he's had enough...

But until any of that happens, I'm not going to be mad about Iowa football anymore. We know exactly what we're getting: it's a Football Papacy at this point, so all we can do is wait. 

It's just a game, after all.